Dear Anna,
It seems like 11 years was a life time ago. Yet somehow I can't believe its been that long. So many things have happened since you left. Some remarkable, some not so remarkable. Last night mom was a guest speaker at a relief society birthday celebration. She did amazing. She spoke of you and read the poem she wrote for you when she spoke at your funeral. So much has changed, yet sometimes I sit and wonder if you would still have had some of the same goals and thoughts you did back then.I was reminded that you wanted to work at Primary Childrens Hospital, Spencer was your hero, you loved to sing, you had a brilliant mind.... I like to think that it would have been rather fitting for you to work at PCMC, I like to wonder how our relationship would be today and what you would be doing. Your absence isn't unnoticed. They say that over time you start to forget, which I think is partly true, but in some ways I think I have more vivid memories of you than I did the day after you left. When I was 13, I knew that I only had 2 more years, just like you. But I got a very special blessing that promised me that I would be able to see you soon. Soon is relative. This last summer, I have never felt like I was closer to seeing you than ever before. It was a total reality for me. I layed in the hospital night after night listening to the hum of the machines and the drip into my veins. With broken kidneys, a swollen and damaged body I thought of you often. The memories and your face were so vibrant and real, yet in the back of my mind I knew it still wasnt "soon". I looked over at my sweet little baby boy and knew that it couldn't be time. He needed me more, and I needed him more.
Since you left, I have learned so much about perspective, so much about love and so much about how truly precious time is. I have learned to love and appreciate the gospel in such a different sense than I think I would have, had you stayed, and nothing ever happened. It's kind of sad to think that you can never really learn things until something is taken from you, or until your world is turned completely upside down. I think that is just the way God intended it to be tho. Sometimes I catch myself thinking about what you have missed, what you never got to do- but I think in reality- you are the one thinkin- "man im glad i dont have to deal with that- or had to go through this that and the other". Life is hard, but good, really good because we have an unmistakeable knowledge.
I really miss you, but I am so grateful for everything you have done for me and helped me with in your absent presence.
I love you.
Love always,
your little sis
This is So Precious! I remember getting the news that Anna had pasted! I remember where I was who told me ect. I remember all the wonderful memories of your family and mine at Nana's with that swing! I am glad Alana that you have not gone left this life yet! I think you really have so much to give all the people around you!
ReplyDeleteThis is such a sweet keepsake. I was actually thinking this same thought this week about the death of a loved one making us more sensitive to life and those around us. My mom passed away when I was 18, and as I think back to all I have learned from that experience, I definitely wouldn't be the same person if it hadn't happened. As much as I wish she could've been here when I was married or when my babies were born, it has made me more independent as a human being and woman. I loved your personal addition to the letter about your own trials last summer in the hospital. Life changes so quickly, and with loss I think it makes us more sensitive to that. Thanks for sharing!
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