A New Life

I think the name we have chosen for out sweet little boy is rather fitting, he is our little angel Gabriel, this sweet little boy has given me new life. In every sense of the meaning. I have been thinking back on the last little while with disdain, hope it will never happen again, and unfailing amount of gratitude it is over, so I figured I would write a little bit about it and how it has changed my perspective.
August 2009 brought to me something I never thought I would ever experience. Being almost completely incapacitated for the entire month and barely making any progress to be able to do the things we all take for granted ie. Walking, dressing yourself, eating, sitting up, or even laying down. I am one of the most independent people I know, so for this – it was an extreme lesson of patience and learning to be codependent. September brought struggles of trying to relearn to do everything with great care, with ups and downs that month came and went. October came and went making even less progress with few days of hope. Although my sweet husband was amazing through it all, trying to be strong for each other, I know both he and I had our share of moments of quiet desperation and complete sadness. I had forgotten what it was like to be happy. I had completely forgotten what it was like to lay in a bed without crying in agony because of this debilitated body I now had to learn to cope and live with. I had forgotten so many things. Yet one thing I do remember was praying for the strength to be optimistic, and for the faith that I wasn’t going to be like this forever. Many prayers were offered in my behalf, for this to be taken from me, yet for some reason it just wasn’t working. There were moments when I just knew that I needed to accept the fact that I would never have my body back, I would never be able to run again (something I sincerely love to do)or do lots of other things I love to do. November slowly but surely crept up on us, yes it had really been 3 + months. One night in utter anguish I remember offering a prayer for all the things that I DID have to be grateful for, I knew that in my self-pity that really, I could have been way worse off. I started to think more positively about my situation and have a lot more optimism that I was going to get through this no matter what. A few days went by, I started to feel better, I could dress myself! I could walk with barely any limp! Stairs were still the death of me, but I could walk! A few more days went by and as I was progressing I thought to myself- its over! Its done! Not only was that a major blessing but Steve and I found out that we were going to be adding to our family. This could mean one of two things for me for the next 9 months. Could be a whole lot worse conditions, Or it could be a whole lot better. Thank you I will take the latter. This pregnancy saved me from further anguish, it pulled me out of a huge rut. Luckily my whole pregnancy has been so amazing and so easy. I haven’t had any morning sickness or any of the other pains that come with this baby makin business. Ever since we found out he was on his way, I remember who I am, I remember that I am a happy person. I don’t think a day has gone by that I haven’t thanked our heavenly father for his love, for his healing power and for the ability to do simple things. For this wonderful gift He has given to me. I pray that I have learned the things I needed to so that I will never have to endure like this again. Thank you, my little boy, for being my hero. For saving me from what I thought was nearly unbearable, and making my life worth living. For giving me new life, my sweet little angel.