Ann

The last few weeks of a very dear friend of mines life, was filled with some funny, nonsensical things. For instance, I was sitting with her at her bedside when she looked at me wild eyed and said, "do you work for Safeway?" (a grocery store in california- and maybe some other places too, but for now we shall say california.) After replying that no I did not work there, she promptly asked me to get those darn boxes out of her way. Mind you she was bed stricken and not able to move, but being the obedient granddaughter that I am, I waltzed over to the door and moved the imaginary boxes. And all was right in the world again. However, on a more serious note one of the real last things she said to me was, "thank you for loving me the way that I have always loved you." This hit me pretty hard. I have never had a relationship with a grandparent the way that I had with this lovely woman. To me she was more than my Grams, she was much much more. She was a mentor for me- who has given me so many incredible gifts that I will take with me and forever cherish. Some of these things she gave to me were her precious leathery hands- I used to hate that my hands were never soft and smooth- the way a girls hands should be, mine have been weathered and wrinkled-at times have been arthritic and misshapen, just like hers. I think about it and weirdly am grateful to have these leathers- I hope that I can emmulate the meaning of her hands more fully throughout my life-they were the mark of a hard working woman. She helped me understand and grasp the capacity to love fully. The courage to speak my mind, but to always be kind. She gave me the desire to always be generous in all that I have, because I have been blessed immensely. She showed me the importance of service. She taught me the worth of a kind word or note is beyond measure. Most of all, the gift my wonderful Grams gave me was the desire to follow her example. She has the most incredible testimony, it was the way she lived her life.She is truly a remarkable woman, one of a kind is what she is. I can only hope to aspire to become a woman of her caliber. This lady meant more to me than I thought was possible, I am so grateful that she took the time to teach me that I was worth something. She always told me how much she loved me, how proud of me she was. She would argue with me that no no, She loved me more since she was older, I could never argue with that.  For some reason I feel this big hole in my heart, I know where she is and I know that she is happier than I can fully understand or remember, but the heartache of missing her still stings my insides when I think of her. It has only been two weeks, but it sure seems like a lot longer. I'm sure that as time goes by, the ache will linger but become a little less intense as each day passes. But for now, I cant help but miss my dear sweet friend and just wish that she were still here.